Meet The Biscuit Fund, a professionally managed monthly portfolio of premium treats, toys and other assets selected for your most important beneficiary.
Premium Monthly Distributions for Dogs of Distinction
“My portfolio has never been stronger.”
“Management continues to exceed expectations.”
“I ate the quarterly report.”
01
Tell us about your beneficiary: size, age, preferences, allergies, chewing habits, and investment objectives.
02
Our investment committee assembles a diversified selection of premium treats, toys, chews and other carefully selected assets.
03
Your dog's portfolio arrives at your door every month, accompanied by a full account statement.
Every distribution is constructed against a target allocation, reviewed monthly by the investment committee and rebalanced according to your beneficiary's mandate.
Allocations may vary according to market conditions, beneficiary preferences, and whether your dog destroys toys in under six minutes.
Target Allocation
Fiscal Year
Total Allocation · 100%
Every month, your beneficiary receives a carefully constructed portfolio of premium products selected to maximize tail wags, enrichment, and long-term quality of life.
THE BISCUIT FUND
Private Client Division
Monthly Account Statement
Portfolio
| Premium Treats | 30% |
| Toys & Enrichment | 30% |
| Chews | 20% |
| Wellness | 10% |
| Alternative Assets | 10% |
| Distribution Value | $92.00 |
Performance
| Tail Wags | ↑ 18% |
| Good Boy Index | ↑ 12% |
| Shoes Destroyed | ↓ 7% |
Past good behavior is no guarantee of future returns. Performance figures are unaudited and gathered largely by watching him.
Only products we would confidently allocate to our own dogs.
Premium products from trusted brands and independent makers.
Treats are important. So are toys, enrichment, wellness and alternative assets.
Because your beneficiary's standard of living should only improve with time.
One mandate, no minimums, no lock-up. Longer-term strategies available to private clients upon request.
Golden Retriever · Greenwich, Connecticut
Labrador Retriever · Charleston, South Carolina
English Labrador · Dallas, Texas
For birthdays, holidays, new puppies, good dogs, very good dogs, and dogs who have done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
Open their Biscuit Fund today and begin monthly distributions.
Because his lifestyle isn't going to fund itself.
